The following is an actual conversation I had with a coworker the other day about a newspaper. We were both being terribly ironic (I’m aware of newspapers), but it was an inadvertent insight into the absurdity of the newspaper industry’s current business model.

Michael: Hey take a look at this thing I picked **** up today.

Brandon: Woah what’s that?

M: It’s called a newspaper! Let me explain. So, there’s a bunch of people all around the world that write about things that are happening. Then they send these stories to people in a bunch of offices that put it all together. Then they send it to these giant machines that print out all these pages, cut them and fold them. And they print out thousands of these and bundle them together. They put these bundles in the backs of trucks and drive them all over the cities and drop them off so they can be sold to people for 75 cents each.

B: 75 cents‽ That’s incredible!

M: You know what’s really crazy? They do this every day!

B: What‽ Man, if only there was some way to transmit all this information at the speed of light to people around the globe! Think of how much cheaper and easier this would all be!

We laughed, but seriously, they’re screwed.